Friday, November 6, 2009

Lovely Crumbling and Inspiration = Super Long Post

Dear Anyone/Whoever/Human Being,

I promise if you read this post, you'll learn/read something about creativity . . . if you want to.

You'll have to listen to me complain a bit first.
One of the things I'm able to do better while lying down now is type. After being bed-ridden for so long, my wrists started to ache because I can't stop using my hands and putting my wrists in funky positions when I'm lying down. Did I mention I'm 25 and this "shouldn't" be happening? Have no fear, my mom has supplied me with wrist thingies to keep me from doing silly things with my feeble wrists. Therefore, here I am typing in the Blogosphere (I like being able to use that word because it's silly like Bio-Dome dun dun dunnnnnn). Have a photo for sustaining interest:

(this is the first thing that comes up if you type in crumble to Google images)

I feel a bit like I'm slowly crumbling-- my nerve pain won't go away and every doctor I've seen is puzzled (but heavy meds improve it). Now my wrists are crapping out on me. But, it's also lovely because I get to do creative things all day long. I can't do everything, but I enjoy the things I can do-- edit, knit, type, surf the internet for awesome-ness and inspiration, write, read, watch, observe and so on. But really everybody is slowly crumbling in a lovely way.

This is a vent. (from

This blog has become somewhat of a venting unit for me, and I apologize for this seemingly boring post (that's why I'm throwing in strange photos and links).

Anyway, what I wanted to share regarding Lovely Crumbling was this that I wrote in my idea book after taking my prescribed rigorous physical exercise of walking to the mailbox:
"If you think, 'That's just life--equally positive and negative,' then you can see the world and life or being or whatever you want to call it in a bright and brilliant way even when it's negative (sadness, pain, and on and on). Somber isn't necessarily a bad feeling if you are able to embrace it as an integral part of being. Pain, sorrow, suffering, the negative only make you wiser to the inevitable. Feel inspired all the time. Paranoia, worry, and anxiety hinder inspiration and the creativity we all have."
Quoting myself feels kind of silly, and I think it should. I know that what I wrote is much easier said than done, but I like to strive for it. Being inspired feels calming-- even somewhat somber at times. It's positive and negative. You're off in another place, but you're somewhere that can feel good or somber or bad or many, many things. Think of when you're at the height of creativity and inspiration...wherever you may find it.


Inspiration is truly everywhere. It may sound la-dee-dah to say that, but it
really is. You just have to figure out how to use it. "But how do you do that," you might ask. Here's a helpful hint: Keri Smith has some great resources to start with like her FREE downloadable Artist's Survival Kit (I think it can be applied to many fields other than art).

I have yet to try it, but I'm going to download and print it out today. I've been meaning to do it forever. I have her book, How to Be an Explorer of the World, and I love it. I admit to feeling self-conscious about carrying it around (as if it's childish or something), but I made it a cover by fusing sheets of plastic bags together and taping yarn on, and it's quite nice now.

(sorry-- no photo of my copy. I'm not feeling up to the hassle)

Check out her Play section-- it's almost, but not quite (in a good way) overwhelmingly wonderful. Great stuff for adults and kids. Just a small suggestion that won't work for everybody. You do have to try to make your creativity work at it's best, shiny-new-car-smell potential. (For me the smell would be burning wood-- I LOVE that smell, but I'm not entirely sure why). It all boils down to persistence and confidence. I've had the first part down, but the latter part has been superficially very difficult for me to overcome. Understanding my visual sense has helped immensely.


I think "pouring your heart out" is a wonderful phrase because it so visually and emotively describes the action. I did that a little bit in this post (kind of like when you throw up in your mouth a little bit- "Huh? What does that have to do with anything," you ask yourself.)


I'm trying to be more honest with myself, and I know everyone can do that a little more no matter who you are. No one ever really talks much about the things that are "deep" or "expressive" unless with someone you're very close to, and it's too bad. I wish we could all "pour our hearts out" more instead of passively writing a blog post for people to maybe read. If someone confronted me about this in person, I think I would feel my usual awkwardness, but it feels nice to put it out there into the digiworld at least.

The moral of the story is: I'm in constant physical pain, but I'm trying with all my might to check into other parts of my brain for some relief. Take the positive with the negative and be an overall neutral, inspired, confident person. It's being "at peace," as they say.
Or as this popular print likes to put it,


Most people like to lie to themselves and think they are adhering to the message by hanging it on a wall or wearing it on a t-shirt, but, alas, it is a good reminder. First you have to be able to find that "calm" and the "carry on" though.

(this is "the pile of the unfinished" from an felt artist whose work I admire, Tobia Mundt.)

You can look at the things you make or have left "undone" and feel a sense of dread, or you can look at them as a stream toward your accomplishments and things you have done. The same applies to experiences in your life. Trust the Process is a great book that talks about accepting that there are challenges and failures in creativity and moving on from them is best (in a nutshell). I am, albeit slowly, realizing how to internalize these things to combat the anxiety I experience very frequently. I'm finding as I find the peace in myself, I find peace in my relationships. Sound cheesy? Yes, but I still find it true.

I hope this is helpful in some way to some person (besides the therapeutic respite it offers me), and that you/anyone/whoever can look past the "cheesy" surface and really think about these things.
If you'll excuse me, I have to walk to the mailbox again.
Thanks very much for coming along.


P.S. Wow, longest post ever. If you've made it this far, I feel the happy.

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